


In need of something...

by Joshblue02



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cuddles, Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other, Relationship(s), Self-Harm, Suicide, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-17 17:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4675649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joshblue02/pseuds/Joshblue02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris Trott is your normal schoolboy. Okay, well maybe more of a shy, passive boy who gets bullied often and feels like there's nothing left for him. He has a few friends, he can count them on one hand, before new kid Alex Smith arrives, turning his life upside down, but also providing Trott with a chance of redemption.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Start of a new begining

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fanfiction so please don't be too critical! I hope it turns out well, and I hope you enjoy it. May add more chapters and characters depending on the reaction to this!

"Christopher Trott" exclaimed the teacher for the fourth time. The shy boy jumped out of his bubble, classmates staring at him, with fire in their eyes. they didn't care about him, they didn't really want to know him, but they were stuck in class with him. "Good morning?" Trott asked with a questionable tone, before the teacher sighing profoundly, and just pointed to the board. In big, blue letters was the phrase 'Homework Assignment Due'. At least that was something Chris could do. He may be secluded, but a deadline is something he can always keep. He hated trouble, he didn't like the threat of a detention or the general idea of making a fuss, he loved to just watch what was going on around him. That's why he got great grades, he was observant and made the best of notes. Other kids sighed, knowing that Trott would be the upcoming example in expectations. Trott didn't want this, any of it, though his peers failed to see it. This praise and attention made Trott the bullies' target and the social outcast. By this time though, it didn't faze him. he had grown use to the torment, but as a result, didn't show a lot of emotion. This was his life, the part that everyone knew about that is...

"Richards, if you've finished doodling purple over your book, could you tell me what the homework is?" asked Mrs Brycen, the oldest maths teacher at the school. She knew full well that Kim had no clue what the homework was, but was distracted by the booming voice of a teacher. Kim saw her chance, and shot a glance to Trott, her best friend, who smiled and slid her a piece of paper. When Mrs Brycen returned, she looked at Kim who announced "To make a poster for revision on...Pythagoras' Theorem, I believe you said". The teacher couldn't look less impressed and dismissed the class, keeping Chris and Kim back. Most teachers knew to sit them next to each other, as it was the only way to get Trott to mildly input into the class. She lent onto a table, and shot a sympathetic look. "I know you've not had it easy Christopher", Kim shuddered, she knew how much Trott hated to be called Christopher, but she also knew he'd never correct her and watched as he stood looking at his shoes, "but you must try to make an input, how am I to know if you understand what I'm teaching?" Trott shuffled and mumbled something that could resemble "I don't know" and then looked to Kim. Kim was the only one who got him, she'd been there when he learnt to tie shoe laces, when he slipped on the ice rink at Christmas, when he had been beaten up too bad she even skipped class for him, and the list goes on. But he most respected her when he was crying, he came from a foster home and his foster family had kicked him out as he'd come out to them. Fortunately, Kim's family loved Trott, he often helped her with revision, so to his fortune, fostered him. He'd cried into Kim's arms for hours, and she knew he was there for her as well. They both snapped out of daydream due to the teacher raising her voice "-I know what happened with Mr Hornby-" "DON'T YOU DARE" screamed Trott. He was shaking and tears fell down the smooth silk like face, dripping past the checked shirt onto the floor, and he sunk with them. Kim flinched at the outburst, and escorted the teacher outside to have a 'private' talk. She mouthed "I'll be back", making Trott smile but cry more. She was often the clean up crew to Trott's outbursts. She returned and locked the door, and gently nudged him with the tip of her batman sneakers. "Trott, please don't cry, you'll make me start. I know you think they use it against you, but she most definitely didn't mean to upset you." Kim slowly lowered herself to his eye level and pulled him in for a cuddle. After his breathing had become less fluctuated, she pulled out a purple marker, and gently pulled his shad across, and left it on her leg. She began to draw the most elegant purple design, matching hers. they could spend hours talking about fantasy, computer games, but their favourite and most commonly used to calm each other down was magic. A knock on the door made Trott retract his arm and wipe his glasses. He stood up, and regained posture, helping Kim up. She ran over and unlocked the door, when Mark Turpin, the friendly deputy head walked in.

"Ah, good. Mrs Brycen said you'd be here!" he exclaimed with a smile. He was one of Trott's favourite teachers, he seemed to understand everything. "I was wondering if you could help me, we have a new student arriving tomorrow, and I was hoping you would show him round and maybe befriend him? He's not had it easy and some friends like you would make it easier for him. He's a...factfile if you will" Both Trott and Kim looked over the file, and nodded furiously. He liked everything they seemed to be into and had okay grades. They looked towards Turps, with a smile, and Trott said with hesitation "He sounds nice, so why not, but what's his name, I can't see it here?" Turps giggled "Move your thumb" Trott moved his thumb and saw a name of perfection, he didn't know why, but this name just sounded so right. Kim nudged him, and handed over the file, and said with volume "Alex Smith huh, I like it...I like it a lot"

*Many miles away*  
The boy grasped his sleeves and shuffled towards the car. He didn't know what awaited him and was rather nervous. His mother spoke up, grabbing his attention. "Don't worry, you'll love your new town Alex!" he beemed back a smile, but secretly knew his demons weren't staying and would follow him, into the unknown.


	2. New kid, New friends, New developments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Smith arrives, and after settling in, meets Kim and Trott. However, friendly introductions turn into friendship, in in someone's case; Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support on chapter 1, it really makes me want to continue this. Thank you and here's the next chapter.  
> WARNING: Self harm trigger

Alex stood in front of the gates, emotions over throwing him. Nothing could stop him. He could just turn around, walk away and hide for the day. From there, he could beg for money, or try his hand at pickpocketing. There's nothing here from him. Probably some stuck up kid who doesn't want to know him. But did he really think he was up to that? He'd disappoint his loving mother, the mother who'd bought him up, alone, yet always provided the best for him. Wouldn't it just be easier if, he didn't exist, or just walk into the school and experience the endless torment. He was early though, he had time to think. And there was a tree, it seemed peaceful and just like that, his worries melted away leaving him remembering a day ago, and how he got here.

"Do you like your room Smith?" asked his mother, glee in her smile. "I know it's a little smaller than we're use to, but we'll make it work. This will be amazing, a new chapter in our lives." Smith stared blankly into the room. It wasn't that he didn't like, quite the contrary, it was that in this clean, full of potential room lay his past, and he could picture the demons that would soon inhabit the room with him. "Smith, are you okay?" Smith startled into reality, "oh, um, yeah, just worried about tomorrow, new school and all." His face with a gentle grin followed by a light scratch to the back of his head. "I just want to unpack, if that's okay?" questioned more than stated. "If that's what you want love. I'll order take out for later" She pulled him in for a light hug, followed by a peck on the cheek. She left, and he let out a sigh of relieve. He then pulled out a small box, easily concealed and unnoticed. Then, a little dewdrop of sorrow rolled down his cheek, followed by another, following the gentle curves of his cheekbones. It wasn't too noticeable, but when the sleeve gently pushed up, red faint streaks of pain. he pulled out the raiser blade and cut, and cut, and cut. Before anything bad could happen, he took a glance at the red, and stuck a plaster over, allowing him to hide all pain. He could never let his mother find out, it would destroy her. And then, he continued the unpacking marathon, trying to forget the damage he'd inflicted.

Smith decided to enter. He couldn't hurt his mother, he just couldn't. There, in a flurry, Smith was lost. he didn't know what to do, he felt more alone. He knew he had an appointment with Mr. Turpin at lunch, but until then he had no clue. Then, a storm of students pushed through the door, and Smith got wrestled unintentionally to the floor. When all hope seemed lost, a hand extended to reach the quivering wreak of the boy. The hand was soft and inviting, and Smith just wanted to hold it tight. He accepted the hand, and by the time he was sorted, the reception had cleared, leaving just Smith, and the boy with the cute glasses, wonderful hair, and rich chocolate eyes. Smith wasn't much of a public talker, and as he was new, had no clue how to begin. he looked down to floor and said with a quiet voice "thanks, umm, I-I...yeah" the other boy adjusted his glasses, and a smirk escaped his eyes. "So your new, then. Let me guess, Alex Smith?" Smith looked at him startled. "How...how did you know?" The anxiousness in his voice evident. I'm Chris Trott, but my friends call me Trott-" He was interrupted as Kim burst through the door. Her eyes firmly in place on the tall boy stood next to Trott, and her heart skipped a beat. The luminous blue eyes that complemented the ginger-auburn hair. She stared for a while, then realising she'd just entered, pretended that the awkward moment hadn't occurred. "urrrmmm, Trott, I've been looking for you. Is this the new kid? Hi, I'm Kim. I hope we can be friends but I just came to make sure you weren't alone, but it seems Trott's here. Your in safe hands. I'll give you the guided tour later, but for now Trott will show the basics. See you in class!" She winked, realised what she had done, blushed and almost ran out the door as fast as she'd entered.

"Ummmm, I take it she's your friend?" Smith questioned. "Yeah, she's a bit eccentric but she has a good heart." Smith shuffled his feet, as did Trott. They could tell they both wanted to say something. "Listen....um...Chris. I get it. You were probably forced into doing this and don't want to be friends with me. You probably don't even want to be here, so-" before Smith could continue, Trott burst into the conversation "NO-I mean, please. I want to. I'm......I'm a loner and if anything, once I've helped you around you'll probably want to forget about me." Trott wanted to continue, beg, but knew he had one chance at this. smith looked at him with confusion, not understanding why people want to be friends with him. I mean, he wasn't fat, maybe a little think, but it complimented his skinny jeans and glasses frames. And his hair, it just made him perfect. Smith then spoke up. "I..I want to be your friend. And Kim's." Trott hardly knew him, but trusted this kid and extended his hand once more. "So, friend, what should I call you?" Smith's face lit up. "Well, as you know my name is Alex, but my old friends called me Smith or Smithy." "Smith, huh" Trott tested. "I like it. It has a nice ring to it." And with that, they walked through the double doors, and entered the corridor leading to their tutor room.

Kim took deep breathes. She'd just stared into perfection, a man with dashing looks and from first encounter a great personality. She looked up from the bathroom sinks, into the mirror, and then started to daydream. She then had a realisation, one that made her heart jump and slow at the same time. Then, checking the room was empty, she stated with passion "I think I'm in love!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a bit longer than I expected, but I do like the way this is turning out. I hope you enjoyed it, and who knows. Maybe some relationship details and some smut next time?


	3. Emotion overload

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this, and am receiving a lot of encouragement. I really can't thank you enough, I'm doing this as I want to do this but it is also saving me from myself. Anyway, hopefully some more character development and maybe even some kissing...

Trott stopped himself when holding the door open. This not only let Smith enter first, the polite thing to do, but gave him a chance to think. This boy, had said he just wanted to be his friend, but he knew nothing about him. What if he just pushed him away, to avoid the heartache when he did discover that Trott was gay, or the things from his past- a tear welled in the corner of his eye- Smith would run for the hills. Trott pulled down his glasses and gave his a wipe with sleeve. He couldn't let people see him like this, it would make his situation worse. He took a long deep breath, before a gentle tap on his shoulder bought him back to reality, it was Kim, who didn't need to say anything, and she opened her arms to embrace him into a hug. Trott just his sobs out; he didn't know where this had come from, but it felt bad, but the good bad, it made sense to him. Kim gave him a sympathetic look before saying gently, but commanding, "stay there". She entered, and walked to the teachers desk, it was a free period so it wouldn't worry the teacher if she was helping Trott, most understood. While she explained the situation, she could feel the azure eyes of the new kid in the back of her head. She had to do something. She put in effort to walk past him, knowing full well Trott was in pieces outside. His head shot up "is..ummm, Trott..okay?" he seemed genially concerned. "He just needs time, I going to help. See, when Trott gets like this, he needs something particular-" she paused when seeing his drawing. "Wow, that's good, where'd you learn to draw like that -"she paused again."Sorry, i'm not to good with names" she giggled nervously. He smirked "Alex Smith, but my....people call me Smith or Smithy- shouldn't you be getting to Trott?" Kim looked up, horror on her face "Omg, umm, see ya Smithy" She ran, mumbling something that reminisced of 'stupid'. Smith shrunk into his chair, and stared out the window. he was new, maybe he could use that. he collected his stuff, then asked as honestly as he could to the teacher "Umm, excuse me. Would it be possible for me to use this time to get to know my way round the school?" The teacher nodded, sipping coffee and gestured his free hand towards the door. Smith nearly ran out of the door, but it was more of a skip. Finally, he could keep to himself.

"What bought this on trott?" Kim asked for a third time. "Please, you know I'm here for you. And I have your favourite, Ice cream!" She hoped this bargaining would make him open up. "It's....*sniffle*....Smith,,he want-ted..it bought back memories of Ross....." he stopped and more tears cascaded out his eyes. he took the ice cream pot delicately out of Kim's eyes, and grabbed a small plastic spoon from her as well. As he ate, he calmed down. "What have I done?" Kim looked puzzled. "Trott, love, you've done nothing" "Yeah I have. Smith is going to hate me, I have to go find him, he's new, I don't want him to be like me." Kim stood up sharp and stomped her feet. "If he is anything like you Christopher Trott then the world is a luckier place!" She the pulled him up, and they ran to the class, shocked to see his seat empty. They thought, then split up. Kim took the library and the hall, and café, leaving Trott with the furthest away corridors, the boys toilets and finally, the tree outside that was a good quiet place to escape. Trott couldn't look more relieved when he saw the boy slouched by the tree. he texted Kim, so she could stop worried, and approached quietly, much like approaching a deer. "Hi." Trott said with a small slur. Smith slowly raised his head, engrossed in his work. "Oh, hi there." He gestured with his hand for Trott to sit next to him. Trott sat, then started to speak, interrupted by Smith. "Listen, I've been trying to make myself tell you this, I know we've only just met, and..but, argh" Smith looked defeated, so Trott took to silently encouraging him. "I..hate speaking to people I don't know, or in class and I don't know you..and it worries me, that your going to turn around because I can't speak to you properly, and it hurts me...I mean...you're the only person I know here." Trott fell silent. He was touched. Smith didn't want to hurt him. he opened his mouth, unsure what to say, but then just let everything out. "I know what you mean, I've not had it easy, and you reminded me of someone, I was really close to him, and he's not around anymore and I keep thinking you don't want me to be here, or..well, Kim would tell you, this is probably the most I've said in ages...please don't hate me for earlier." Smith made a confused face, "I don't know what happened earlier, I didn't think it was my place to ask but I could never hate you." Trott blushed, before glancing to Smith's notepad. "What are you drawing? it looks cool." Smith hugged his notepad harder, before Trott, gently held his hand, making his grip weaken. "have a look" he said worried. 

"Is..is this me?" Trott asked, eyes fixated on the masterpiece of art before him. "I guess" Smith shrugged. "Sunshine, you can't guess what your drawing. but it's sweet. I love it, but it's missing something" Smith properly stared at Trott, gaze fixed on his lips. "You. I mean, it's missing you" Smith listened to the end of trot's sentence realising he'd zoned out. Smith held onto Trott's hand and shuffled closer. "You think so?" Trott replied to that with a phrase Smith couldn't quite believe, "Yeah, well, you are perfect." Smith's jaw dropped. he'd never seen himself as perfect. He edged closer to trott, leaning in. he knew it was bold but- "Smith! Trott! It's nearly time for lessons!" Kim's voice echoed around. "Oh,ummm, I wouldn't want to be late" Smith exclaimed before walking away in a hurried pace. Trott felt like he'd missed something, but forgot easily when he realised Smith had left his notepad. "I'll give it back to him later" thought Trott, before seeing Kim run towards him. "Trott" She said, gasping for breath. "I need to tell you something" she said, a light shade of red.

Smith innocently entered Art. Kim was sitting next to his assigned chair. On it, rested a note. An intricate design of purple covered half of the note, on the others words. It took Smith three times to register what was written. "Smithy, I know it is only your first day, but I feel like I have to be bold. I think I love you, will you go out with me? K" He looked at Kim, who blushed and he nodded, not quite sure why. He knew this wouldn't work, but he couldn't tell anyone why.

All Trott could hear was the last thing Kim said to him. It made him happy and sad, and he didn't know why. "Trott, I think I love Smith!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that is satisfactory and I hope you enjoyed it. if anyone has any suggestions, I'm more than happy to hear them, though I do have plans for where this is heading.


	4. Tainted love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim loves Alex, but does he love her? And as Trott seems to shut down, and regress, it could appear that he isn't the one suffering the worst...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back at school ( =( ) but hope to continue this when I have time. I'll be aiming for at least one chapter a week.

Those words still upset Trott. It wasn't fair. He didn't know why. He just walked. Walked along the cliff top road. School had finished, and he'd managed to avoid any awkward confrontations with Smith and Kim. The cool ocean breeze carried his delicate tears and slowly caressed his bright red cheeks. This was his favourite place, he could just stare among the azure sea and watch the sunset, well he rarely out that late but he knew it was a sight to behold. This place was were Trott's problems would leave him. if he went home earlier, he knew what would happen. It was a cycle. But this allowed Trott to release his pressure. One small step at a time. He couldn't tell anyone about it anyway, they wouldn't understand. "No one gets me" Trott thinks out loud. "I do, I think" a small voice pipes up.

Smith and Kim had just left the last lesson of the day. They were happy, but something was missing. Something didn't work, their spark was missing. Sure they kissed, and for Kim it was passionate, romantic and a dream come true. but for Smith, it was a kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. Smith internally groaned, he couldn't let Kim know his sexuality, he didn't know how she'd react. So Smith did the only move he could do, possibly the jerkiest. "Kim, we need to talk." he saw those eyes flutter, as if she already knew. "Don't Smithy, I get it. You don't want to be with a freak like me!" Visible tears trailed onto the purple hand, the pen smudging the art. "Kim, it's not that. I've not been here a week, and I can't do this. I'm in no position to even think about it. Please, it's not you, it's me. I just really want to be friends, I.....I don't......I can't loose you. or Trott." Kim felt sorry, but also felt no remorse. She let rip, all the pent up anger at him. "What? Why? It's clear I mean nothing to you, and what does Trott. I can't have you hurt him too!" Smith fell to the floor. He was dry sobbing. "Do you want to know the truth Kim?" he said, almost whispering. "Do you?" Kim knew she'd crossed the line. And she couldn't leave him like this. "Smith...I'm-" "Don't! Just don't" Smith whimpered. "I've never had friends. I- I knew people that would corner me...that would...do mean things...unimaginable things. So when I came here, I was surprised to see you two latch onto me. I don't know how to do this. This is new to me. I...appreciate that" Smith stuttered out, before picking up his discarded bag and running out never looking back. 

His home wasn't far. So when he entered the house, running up to his room, he nearly barricaded himself in. He grabbed the blade, and played with it between his fingers. Did he want to do this? He slowly, almost automated, rose his t-shirt arm. Hi fingers traced what he had already done. This wasn't any movie or book. Nobody would trace the dents, nobody would look at him the same. He raised the blade, muttering to himself, and once again watched the river of his pain dribble. He never cut deep, he knew the risks. but he just wanted to feel normal. He was interrupted by his phone bleeping. Blind panic hit him, before he realised he hadn't been caught. He checked the phone, never sure what to expect. 

Kim: I want to apologise. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you  
Smith: It's ok, you didn't really hurt me, I'm use to it.  
You won't tell anyone anything I told you will you?  
Kim: No! I couldn't tell anyone. I'm not that kind of person. I didn't tell you this, but Trott's at the cliff overlook. He is kinda like you, hasn't had it easy. Do what you will,  
see you tomorrow, right?  
Smith: Of course, you can't get rid of me that easily.

Smith checked himself in the mirror, making sure his cuts were hidden. He then ran, ran far and fast. The sky didn't look like it would hold, and the cold was, well cold. And there, he saw Trott. 

"Smith? Why are you here?" Smith rolled his eyes, and approached the boy. "Good view isn't it? And do you have to ask?" Trott smiled a bit. "I'm going to make a guess, and don't argue 'cause I know the sign." Trott looked up, intrigued. "You and me, we haven't had the best of starts in life. But I want to be your friend. So, you and me, lets play video games some time. I know this isn't what you expected, and that I'm new. But. We all have demons" he stopped. "I should know" he internally said "So what do you say? Could we start over? I think we could-" he paused to take a sharp intake of breath "Smith, are you okay?" "Yeah" he said shakily. "Anyway, agreed?" "Of course, Sunshine!" Trott exclaimed. So they slowly walked back, in the general direction of their houses.

Trott sat on his bed. He felt lost. he didn't know what he was doing. So, in the cover of darkness, Trott did the unthinkable. And with the house still, and a gentle light from Kim's room, he hoped off the bed, lipped downstairs into the kitchen, and grabbed a shiny knife.........  
Smith woke up in a cold sweat, his dream had been strange. His arm twinged, but he settled back into sleep. If only it were that simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. I'm enjoying this, a lot. Still, I have great plans for the future!


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter has arrived and things have been going well. But when Smith receives an award, the past seems to resurface, and Kim seems to know to much. What will be discovered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new update!! So everyone is up to date - time has passed in the story. But otherwise, I hope you enjoy.

The warm embrace of summer had left, and Autumn had gone past in a flash. Now, everyone entered with scarfs and hats. The sky grew dark, and there was much less light. This was Smith's favourite time of year. The cold may have been annoying but this was when he felt most relaxed, well when at school. When it came to Christmas was when the real issues began, but Smith tried not to focus on it. Although him and Trott had agreed no presents, he saw this, and just had to have it, for Trott. it was perfect. They had been hitting it off recently and no one wanted it to change. Even Kim had to admit it was great fun. They'd spend hours on facetime or Skype, text each other whenever, and the video games were endless. Whether they'd be catching them all, shooting each other or whatever random game they could find on steam. Trott even seemed to have a great influence on Smith, helping his grades rise, and teachers wanted him to be partnered with Trott. They both had effects on each other. But, really, they both knew their secrets would come out at some point. And they both knew that day would be soon.

"Kim! You can't! You promised!" Trott exclaimed with sobs. "Trott. I'm worried about you. I...I saw you with the knife....I know what you're doing_" She burst into tears and Trott just hugged her. "It's not fair. I can't stand to see you hurting, for me Trott....just, please!" Trott embraced the cuddle, and slowly, and carefully, whispered with confidence "Kim, I won't. I....I don't know what I was thinking. For you, I'm not going to cut. It was just an accident." Trott was lying. He hated to lie, especially to Kim, but to keep her happy, he was convincing himself it was for the best. "But what if he could help you? He...understands...."Kim said gradually getting quieter. Trott eye's turned into pure hell, what did Kim mean? He went to open his mouth, but their phones simultaneously buzzed. "Saved by the buzz much" Kim said to herself. They looked, it was Smith. 

Smith: Guys, can we meet after school?

Where was his usual buzz? His spark? Something was wrong, very wrong. And Kim knew something...

Kim: Sure where?  
Smith: The usual spot, I need to tell you two something  
Trott: Are you OK?  
Smith: Just be here on time.

Kim and Trott looked at each other, this must be serious. Kim went to leave, but Trott grabbed her hand. "Please. Don't tell him." She nodded, yet he still wasn't sure. This made him feel worse. He could just quickly do it, would anyone even know? "No!" he exclaimed, before realising it was out loud. he blushed a little as Kim stuck her head round his door. "let's go slowcoach!"

The winter sun was warm, yet chilling. Smith stood in his bland room. It could be mistaken for a prison cell, without the bars. He never showed anyone his room. It was his space, his time to reflect. This room meant little to him, it was a way he could express how he was feelings. How he mentally felt trapped in his thoughts, this was his demons room, no-one else's. he sighed. He had everything planned out, how he was going to act. Then, he got told he was going away, for Christmas. To any other kid, this would be joyous, but to Smith, it was his hell. Just thinking about what was going to happen made him shudder. He decided to act on it. He grabbed his present to Trott, and his one for Kim, placed them delicately in his bag, and grabbed his guitar. 

His walk to school was boring. But he had to avoid them today, he just had to.

"Trott, do you want me to get you anything? Trott? TROTT?" Kim asked. Trott looked up from his daydream. "Well?" she asked. "No, I'll be fine" he said, blandly. "Trott, stop thinking about him" "I can't, I'm worried, you know how much he means to me" Kim sighed, then made to excuses to go to lessons. As she walked down the corridor, she heard a heavenly voice, along with a guitar. She played a little and was in her own little world. She followed the sound and found herself in front of a locked door. She couldn't open it, but she was certain she knew who it was. "Smith?" she questioned to herself. She giggled and walked away, but secretly worried. He still knew nothing about the 'incident' and knew ir would come out soon. 

The three sat next to eachother in assembly. The last in the year and even more tedious than the rest. The younger students wanted to have the trophies yet the older crossed there fingers it wasn't them. They'd made it so far, but the final award was the one with a meaning. Turps explained how it was in memory of a kid, called Ross Hornby, and dedicated to the student with difficulties yet great achievement. The envelope was opened, and the name was projected. Alex Smith. Everyone looked at him, questioning why he had won it. Trott was already glassy eyed for some reason, but now had a puzzled. Kim just looked down. She definitely knew something. Alex accepted the trophy and left the room to have his photo taken. "Kim" trott whispered. "What do you know?" She shrugged but went slightly red, a taletale sign she was lying. "We need to meet Smith, remember?" "Oh yeah, I need to go buy my locker" Trott said as he stood. They went there separate ways but soon met with one another, walking to the park by the cliff face. A tree engulfed the farthest corner away, and this was where they met. it was much like the one at school, but had less leaves and a great view. "hey guys" Smith mumbled. "Lets get to business"

"What!!!" Trott shouted. "You can't!" Smith hugged his shaken friend."Not forever, just for Christmas, Trottie." Smith said, before thinking. "It's now or never" He stood and reached for his schoolbag. Inside he pulled out two boxes. "I know we said we're not doing presents, but I owe you so much. Trott looked puzzled, does this have to do with why he got the trophy? Now's not the time he told himself. "really Smith, seems like we had the same idea" said trott with gusto. "Well, that ruined my surprise!" Kim said, bringing out presents as well. They all then laughed. "What good times, shame it has change" 

After a debate, Kim went first. She gave Trott a lab coat and some experiment kit, and Smith a notebook that looked like a tome or a spell book. Then, Trott got out his gifts. He gave Kim a beautiful purple artwork, and enough purple pens, of different medias, to fill a pencil case, and to Smith he gave the most wonderful burgundy and green hoodie. "I know how much you love these colours, and hate the cold" Trott said. Smith grinned like a Cheshire cat before slipping it on. A perfect fit. "I love it Trott! Now, it's my turn." He took the smaller parcel and handed it to Kim. Elaborate purple ribbon went around the box. He also handed her a drawing. "An apology and gift" he said shyly. She looked at the poster, which was her with fluxed arms, super hero style. She thanked Smithy then opened the package. A blue pendant was inside. "Sapphire?" she questioned. "Yeah, it know you love them" Smith said, smile stuck on his face. She pulled Smithy over, and hugged him for ages. "Thank you" she whispered, and he understood. "Now, who would forget Trottie" he beamed. He gave Trott a picture to, of a undeniably hot, but not sporty, clever kid, in a white lab jacket and surrounded by pets. next to him, was Smith. His face was a picture itself. "Smith...this is...." Smith looked down. "You hate it, don't you. I'm sorry-" He was interrupted. "This is perfect, I love it. I can't thank you enough!" Smith smiled "So you don't want this then?" he waved the other box. "Smith..." trott whined. "Here, and there's one more little one." Trott delicately unravelled the ribbon, and opened the box, looking at a luscious brown winter hat. A face was imprinted onto it, and it was fluffy. "I thought you'd like it" Smith said. Trott put it on, and it suited him perfectly. This final one's a little special. He stood and went behind the tree, pulling his guitar out from behind it. My final gift to you. it's not totally accurate, and may need some changes but, here goes nothing. 

'I've never met you,  
but we speak everyday on the phone  
I totally get you,  
you're not here   
but I never feel alone  
I constantly text you, it's crazy  
who would've known  
that you fit me and I fit you

I'm falling, I'm falling  
How could I miss you  
I'm falling, I'm falling   
never even kissed you  
I know that you feel it too  
'cause you fit me and I fit you

I love the way we tell each other everything  
when ever I am sad I know that on the phone you will sing  
and we talk on the internet  
but we couldn't care less what people think cause you fit me and I fit you

I'm falling, I'm falling  
How could I miss you  
I'm falling, I'm falling   
never even kissed you  
I know that you feel it too  
'cause you fit me and I fit you

You're not answering and it's getting late  
the distance between us is like a heavy weight  
and I wish I had superpowers,   
with a long red cape so you could be with me and I could with you  
'cause you're my best friend   
even though we've never met  
and you could have a heatwave  
while the rain is getting me all wet  
and I guess I wanted to tell you,   
that I'm not going to let a   
gazillion trillion miles stop us, 

but I wish I didn't have to say that in a text

We're falling, We're falling  
How could I miss you  
We're falling, We're falling   
never even kissed you  
I know that you feel it too  
'cause you fit me and I fit you  
You fit me and I fit you"

Smith coughed and took a sip of his water. Trott stared, still in trance of the voice. "That was sooooooooo good, Smith. Where'd you learn to sing? You have to teach me that. But I didn't get it. Of course, we haven't kissed, you're straight" Trott smiled. Smith's face seemed to weaken, his smile fade. Kim watched. She physically faceplanted. "Trott you moron. Don't you get it. Why he broke up with me? Why he sang that to you? Why there's mistletoe tied onto the branch above you? He's trying to tell you-" "Mistletoe?" Smith asked. Kim made a face that said just go with it. Smith shrugged and faced Trott. "I'm.....gay, I think." "You think? asked Trott. He was going to continue but was interrupted in thought by the plump lips of Smith, touching his own gently but firm enough to leave a indent. When he pulled away, Trott sighed a little bit. "ummm, so what do we do from here?" asked Smith. "I've never done this before." Trott looked at him, and then a trail of tears rained down his face. Smith paniced, and grabbed his friend...was he still his friend or were they more? "Have I done something wrong? Trott shook his head, and gestured towards Kim. She made hand gestures towards Smith, before Trott turned around, eyes red and still watering. "it was the song. It made me think." he sniffled. "I haven't been honest with you-" Kim grabbed Trott and looked at him. "Are you sure?" She asked, looking concerned. "yeah" he said, a small whimper escaping. "Smith, you'd better sit down, we could be here a while" Kim said, with sadness pouring out through her words. 

They sat on a tree root, Trott snuggling into Smith. He hiccupped a bit, but continued. "The boy. The boy who died. The one who has the award named after him. The award you won." Trott took a deep breath in. His hands shaking, but held firmly by Smithies ones, making him feel safe and loved. Trott opened his mouth, and let a squeal. Smith and Kim both calmed him, before he finished the sentence he had started long ago. Trott sobbed "It was me. I killed Ross Hornby"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned is "Never met you" by Tom joseph law.   
> I hope you liked it, and I couldn't leave it to happy could I. Anyway, this is a big update, and I will be sure to continue this, but I have an essay to write. But this is just the beginning. Be warned. Thank you for continued support!  
> (P.s: I have chapters to be based around each individual character coming up, from their POV, so get ready to be excited)


	6. The Red Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So what happened to Ross Hornby? And what does this mean for our trio's friendship/relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break but I'm back. I've been shattered from school and coursework, and I'm ill (yay...) but I'm going to write more of these, if it kills me!  
> (If the writing is in italics it is a voice over/narrator)

"I....I don't understand" Smith stuttered. "Trott....you....you wouldn't kill someone. You're not a murderer....you're...we're.." a tear dripped down Smith's face. "Why am I crying? I've not done anything, and Trott needs me." Smith thought to himself. Kim glanced up at him, and Trott reached into his bag. He pulled out a book, well worn and slightly tattered at the side. "Smith" Kim said, gently, almost embracing him, slowly leaving Trott's side to pull him in. He was sunk into the side of the large root. "Smith, please. Trott opened up to you, let us tell you what happened. Trott blames himself, but really, it was an accident" She let her hand gently tap his shoulder, but he flinched away from the touch. Then, saying nothing, he stood and walked over to Trott. The newly bought hoodie showered in tears. Smith's puffy eyes looking into Trott's. Then, he opened his mouth, trying to speak, but unsure where to begin. Kim walked back, and gave him an encouraging look. "Trott...I'm not crying......it's not you" Smith just managed to get out before he started sobbing further. Trott motioned for him to come and sit on his lap, and Smith did. Smith may have been taller, and slightly heavier than Trott, but Trott didn't mind. He raised a hand and ruffled it through Smith's hair. "Are you sure you want to hear?" Trott said, knowing by the end of this, this could all be over. Smith smiled and nuzzled into Trott's neck. Trott took this as a sign to begin, giving a quick glance to Kim. Her gentle voice filled the air. "Well, it was about 3 years ago..."

*FLASHBACK*

 _it was in the middle of summer. We were starting this school and everyone was making friends. Me and Trott swore to stay together, and then we met him, Ross._ "Ummm, I'm not very good at introductions so...Hi?" _The boy was quite tall, had piercing blue eyes that shone even during the day, and liquorice coloured hair. He was the big friendly giant, in many ways._ "Hi. I'm Chris Trott, I suppose you could call me Trott, and this is Kim. She is a.may.zing. So, I assume you're new here? We're new-" Kim thumped him in the side. "Sorry, Trott's quite the rambler" she chipped in. "Well, I am new. I know no one, and I kinda thought you looked friendly so...Trott and Amazing Kim. I don't suppose you know where Room 15-R is, do you? I've never looked around here before?" Ross said with a genuine smile. "Well, we're going there as well, that's a re tutor base, so I'll guess we're in the same tutor group. And you're wrong!" Trott said cryptically. "Pardon?" Ross questioned. "I said you're wrong. You do know people. Us two, and you're stuck with us" Trott said, guestering for Ross to approach. "One of us, One of us" Kim chanted in the background. _We all laughed and that was us for a long time, we'd hang out. then, when we discovered Ross liked video games would set aside at least one day a week to play. As you know, Trottimus and NanoSounds are undefeatable, but Djh3ax....DJh3tothemax.....cinemax..Djh3max, Ross' name, provided us the support we needed. Then one day..._

"Get away from Me!" Ross screamed. "But Ross....tell me what I've done" Trott exclaimed! Ross fell to his knees. "You've done nothing....I..I don't want to hurt you" "Why would you hurt me Ross?" Trott asked, carefully creeping forward. "Don't get any closer, they'll know. And then you'll be in danger, please Trott. I love you..." _I was shocked. I'd only known about my....sexual preferences for a while, and one of my best friends had told me they loved me. I shouted at Ross about how we couldn't throw this away, and how I could help him. it took him a while to open up, but he did. And what he told me shocked me._ "They hurt me Trott, because I love you. They told me to stop seeing you, and I wanted to make it less painful. Then they said it would stop, the endless torment." "You shouldn't have told him Ross!" Both Trott and Ross turned around in shock. A tall man with little colour on his skin walked into what little light remained. "What will they think Ross. A gay schoolboy...I don't think so. You need to learn the hard way..."The young man pulled out a knife and clutched it. They both knew the intention. he walked further forward, Ross standing in front of Trott, telling him it will be alright. _We both knew it wasn't true, I couldn't do anything against him though..._ "Get. Away. From. Them. NOW!" A voice boomed down the alleyway. The young man flinched, and then fell to the floor. "Kim!" they both cried. She soothed them "It's okay, it's okay. Nothing bad will happen now" and with that she led them back to the house.

 _It was all going well, after that incident. My first real relationship, and I couldn't be happier. But, it seems I missed the obvious. I....I could of stopped him, if I had taken more care._ **Kim took over.** _Trott and Ross were so close, that what Ross did was unpredictable. If anyone would have been able to see it, Trott would have been number 1 on that list. Me and Trott were pulled into the principle's office, where everything changed._ "Kim. Chris. I...I have some bad news, and was wondering if you could help. It concerns your friend, Ross Hornby. He's gone missing, and were wondering if you knew anything?" _Both our hearts jumped out of our skin. Ross had shown no worries._ "He gave me this, and said to open it if he ever disappeared" Trott said, anxious. _I opened the letter, and then knew it was my fault..._

Dear Trott

You are the best friend anyone could ask for. You and Kim have always been there for me. Which makes what I'm going to say harder. I'm not missing. I'm under the bridge out of town. But you can't speak to me , no-one can. I've had enough of the torment I've received,  but I couldn't tell you, as they said they'd hurt you, and you're the world to me. I'm so sorry Trott, and you'll be the last thought I'll make. I can't put into words how much I love you. For me, don't hate yourself, and tell Kim I'll miss her.

Kisses for eternity

Ross

(I'll watch you forever)

_I put the letter down, and left. I just walked, knowing I could have stopped him. I killed him, by not seeing the obvious. It was me. I went AWOL for a while, and became the trott you know today._

_*End of Flashback*_

"Trott...are you okay?" Kim asked, "I think so" he replied with tears running down his cheek. "So Smith...Smith?" Trott began. they had been so engrossed telling the story, they hadn't noticed Smith's colour drain from his face. "Maybe he's too hot?" Kim replied. Trott took the hoodie off and didn't notice the plaster fall to the floor. "Smith?" Trott asked louder. He slowly reached and shook him a little. "Sorrr............sor....y" Smith managed to slip out. "Why are you sorry? Kim asked, slightly on edge. then it hit her, as Trott raised his hand. Bright red blood covered his hand and he shook his head. he raised the cuff of Smith's  t-shirt to see the source. So many scars littered the perfect body. "Smith. Stay with me. Focus on my voice!" Trott said, panic and desperation clear in his voice. "Kim, HELP" Trott cried as he applied pressure to the wound, and Kim called for an ambulance. Meanwhile, Smith tried to focus on his boyfriends voice, he did, but it slipped away from him, much like his blood. "Trott.....love.......yo-" Tears fell down Smith's face before he fell into slumber, pulse fading slowly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took longer to write than I thought, but enjoyed it all the same. I hope you like it too  
> (sorry if it was hard to follow)


End file.
